Wednesday, January 26, 2011

6 Things That Really Grind My Gears

There are a few* things I really dislike. Now, mind you, these are different than pet peeves. A pet peeve is, by definition, a minor annoyance that is only really annoying to one person. These things are more than minor annoyances, and you really don't want to get me going on these subjects in polite company, because you're likely to hear me utter a string of curse words that would make a sailor blush. Or, you know, sassy commentary like this.

1. ASPCA commercials. These commercials make me so mad. How dare they interrupt my time to be a vegetable on the couch and yank on my heartstrings? First of all, they play the saddest song ever. Then they go and show pictures of abused animals. Like that thought doesn't make me mad enough, they have to go and put it right in my face, during my relaxation time. Finally, these commercials are LONG. Even if you change the channel, you run the risk of underestimating the length of the commercial and switching right back into the middle of a montage of maimed kittens and injured puppies. But I think the thing that makes me the maddest is that they overuse ethos in their persuasion techniques. Shame on you, ASPCA. Shame on you.**

2. Reality shows. As if we don't publicize enough the fact that this country isn't smart, now we have to go and give the nation's biggest idiots their own TV shows. Jersey Shore, The Real Housewives of {Orange County, NYC, Atlanta, DC, Spokane}, Bridalplasty, Teen Mom - all of these shows have one thing in common. They glorify stupidity. Oh, and the best thing? Snooki, Mike "The Situation," and JWoww have all written books. All of these people should go back to their normal lives and quit polluting the minds of America with flashes of genius such as "GTL." (That's gym-tanning-laundry, for those of you who are fortunate enough to not know.)

3. Rude boys. (And no, I don't mean the Rihanna song. I love the Rihanna song.) I'm talking about boys who think they're all that and a bag of chips, and boys who leave girls with jaded, cynical hearts in the wake of their paths of destruction. Nice boys, your day will come. Please be patient. Mean boys can only make a girl cry so many times before she wises up and realizes that a nice boy has been there the whole time.

4. 24 hour news. Fox News, CNN, MSNBC, CNBC...seriously? Stop it. These news channels have a need to be talking about something all the time. Every day. So naturally, during slow news times, these channels latch onto something seemingly insignificant and make it big news, providing expert opinions and spirited, one-sided debates. Remember the Prius debacle? With the cars that wouldn't stop? Yeah, not a nationwide ordeal. I don't doubt there were some Priuses (what is the plural of Prius? Priuses? Prii?) that didn't stop, but for every one that sped uncontrollably down the freeway, there are a million that function perfectly. It was a slow news week and because CNN was talking about it, Fox News et al. needed to pick up on it too. Oh, and while we're on the subject, let's focus on Fox News for a minute. Fair and balanced? Who do you think you're kidding?***

5. Family Guy. I'm not sure why I dislike Family Guy so much, especially because there are some pretty decent quotes (which I referenced in the title of this post), but I think that the writers of South Park had it right when they suggested that a manatee picked out random balls with random subjects written on them to come up with ideas for the show. But really. Honesty time. Family Guy? Suck.

6. Kanye West. No tirade necessary. If you don't get it, visit Then you'll get it.

What makes you mad? What grinds your gears?

*More than a few.
**Mostly I hate that I don't have money to donate to the ASCPA.
***Please note, I am not a political person at all. My political stance is usually "huh?"

Also, please enjoy this sass while it lasts. We'll be back to regularly scheduled programming in a little bit.


  1. I agree with Family Guy, COMPLETELY.

  2. Poor grammar. I simply can't do it. I occasionally misspell a word due to my absolutely miserable keyboard at work, but it is usually immediately corrected.

    To add to that, people who intentionally use poor grammar to convey a certain lifestyle: hicks, gangsters (to which I am simply adding to your #6), or just plain ridiculously clinging to childhood (like putting z's at the end of everything plural).

    I love your post, Melissa. This is cathartic for not only you, but also your readers.

  3. Melissa, this is perfect and snarky and HI-larious. I think my favorite is the part about reality tv:

    "As if we don't publicize enough the fact that this country isn't smart, now we have to go and give the nation's biggest idiots their own TV shows." Well played, sir. Well played.

  4. It's all about the Manatees with South Park.
    And who doesn't hate Kanye? Oh yeah, Kanye.

  5. Seriously made my day. I liked the Fox News part the best. Haha. You're funny when you're mad. :)