Guilty Pleasures

After a long day of work, there are few things that comfort me more than my guilty pleasures. I walk in to my apartment, plug my lights in (because I don't have overhead lights...) and out comes the:

1. Cosmopolitan magazine. This is my ULTIMATE guilty pleasure. I know it's smutty and trashy and [most of the time] not true, but I love it. I just turned in a subscription card because I finally have a permanent address. And I'm so excited to get my Cosmopolitan magazine in the mail every month because then I don't have to deal with disapproving glances from cashiers as I purchase my magazines that claim they have the power to "melt a man's boxers off."

2. One hit wonders. I'll admit it. I've admitted it before. I like music that has the relative worth of ABC gum. And one hit wonders fall into this category. So imagine, if you will, my glee when I found a 69 cent/song playlist on iTunes comprised entirely of one hit wonders.* I'm not sure why I love them so much, but I think it has something to do with the idea of these people having one, singular flash of genius. I mean, these are all songs that EVERYONE knows. But we can't name the artist. Or any other songs by said artist. Who actually knows who wrote "Stacy's Mom"? (Without Googling it?) Or "Right Here Right Now"? (Again, without Google?)

...

Anyone?

...My point exactly. Check and mate.

3. Wine. I love wine. And as I pointed out on twitter earlier today, "Who needs friends when you have wine?"

4. Crime TV. I love it all. Law & Order. Criminal Minds. Without a Trace. Bones. Psych. Monk. And I'll watch it whenever it is on. Although I don't really like reality crime TV.

5. Junk food. I have the worst sweet tooth in the history of the universe. And I do feel bad about it, but not enough to stop eating my junk food. Sorry, health nuts.

What are your guilty pleasures?

*Because I know you're curious, here is the list of one hit wonders on my playlist:

Butterfly Kisses Bob Carlisle

(I Just) Died In Your Arms Cutting Crew
Ghostbusters Ray Parker, Jr.

I'm Gonna Be (500 Miles) The Proclaimers
I'm Too Sexy Right Said Fred

Ice Ice Baby Vanilla Ice

Jump Kris Kross

She Blinded Me With Science Thomas Dolby

Right Here Right Now Jesus Jones

Stacy's Mom Fountains of Wayne

Too Shy Kajagoogoo

Unbelievable EMF

Voices Carry 'Til Tuesday

Walking on Sunshine Katrina & The Waves

Thursday Thank Yous

I'm having a sassy-pants kind of day, so I apologize if these thank yous sound more bitchy than thankful. But don't misread this! I am very thankful today and every day for what I have.

1. Allison. She let me whine for 10 whole minutes and then gave me awesome insight when my 10 minutes were up. Which is just what I needed today.

2. Wine. Merlot, Chardonnay, Pinot Grigio, Pinot Noir, Cabernet Sauvignon, Reisling...I don't care what it is as long as I have a bottle to crack open when I get home from work.

3. Trivial Pursuit 1981. Last night, a friend and I went through some Trivial Pursuit cards from 1981...and here are a few sample questions that are now incorrect or contain outdated cultural references:

Q: Which country has 11 time zones?

A: The Soviet Union (Which doesn't exist anymore. There were lots of questions about
Soviet Bloc countries.)

Q: What does VDT stand for?

A: Video Display Terminal (What the heck is this?)

Q: What's the only man-made structure visible from space?
A: The Great Wall of China (Not true.)

Anyway. I'm thankful that I was able to find this game for $2 at a thrift store, because it has proved to be entertaining more than once now. I also got Operation and Pictionary. Game night at my apartment!

4. First World Problems. Tonight, as we were trying to watch NBC Thursday (aka: Community, The Office, Parks and Rec, and 30 Rock), the cable kept going out. Which is a first world problem. Just like not being able to text because I just painted my nails. Or being mad because I lost the back cover to my cell phone. I'm not thankful for these problems, but I'm thankful that they aren't big problems like finding clean drinking water or having reliable healthcare. I'm thankful that I was born in the first world and lead a blessed life.

5. Moving forward. Life is ever changing. And while it may not be fair or fun today, it can be tomorrow. So here's to moving forward and being the best "you" you can be. For me, that means being a good daughter, a good sister, and a good friend, as well as a good citizen.

Also, here's some advice: Life is hard. Wear a helmet. Take it. It's on the house.

What are you thankful for today?

Thursday Thank Yous

Well, it's been another week and now it's time for my Thursday thank yous!

1. Friends and family. I am constantly reminded of how blessed I am to be surrounded by the friends and family that I have been given. This past weekend, my little sister went through something awful and it has made me want to reach out and tell everyone I know that I love them. So, friends and family...I LOVE YOU ALL. And even the strangers that stumble upon this blog...I love you too.

2. People at work. I started working on Monday and the people there have been very nice and helpful. I'm starting to get settled and figure out where things should be saved, how managers like to receive updates and documents (email a PDF? print out and put it on their desk?) and I really enjoy my job!

3. Street parking. I'm getting scary good at parallel parking. And I found an AWESOME spot right outside of my apartment building. I'm never moving my car ever again.

4. Valentines Day. An odd one, I know, but I can safely say that Valentines Day 2011 was the best one ever. A few girls came over and we had sushi and wine and chocolate cake and champagne and talked and laughed and had a grand old time.

That's all for tonight! What/who are you thanking today?

5 Things I Would Buy from an Infomercial

Infomercials. You either love them or you hate them. Depending on the day and the product, an over produced Billy Mays commercial could inspire me to call 1-800-BUY-MORE-STUFF and recite my credit card number from memory. I've fallen prey to their predatory persuasive techniques, and here are a few of my most favorite "As Seen on TV" products.*

1. The Snuggie. It's as ugly as sin, but I love it. Also, it's so basic that I'm surprised people (including myself) will pay $10-$15 for it. A blanket with sleeves, while awesome and, dare I say, life altering, is far from necessary. But it is a simple luxury that I indulge in on a daily basis. Currently, I'm wrapped up in my Snuggie and loving life.

2. BumpIts. Yes, dear friends, I own a BumpIt. And I'm not afraid to say it. The "bump" or "poof" has become ubiquitous in today's hairstyles and for girls with hair like mine, reinforcements are always appreciated. I haven't used them lately because my hair is so short, but once it is grown out to an appropriate length, I will bust them back out.

3. The Ove Glove. While I don't own an Ove Glove, my grandparents do. And let me tell you, these things are awesome. Now, I wouldn't be putting my hand through open flames while wearing it (because fire is SCARY, people...) but it is so nice to have the use of all five fingers while taking items out of the oven. Have you ever struggled with an oven mitt and been afraid you'll drop the pan or casserole dish? Ove Gloves solve that. Genius.

4. Pajama Jeans. I'd never buy these. And if I did, I'd never wear them in public. But I don't have to worry about that, because I'd never buy them. Still, these go on my list of favorites because the existence of this product shows how pathetic we are. Because jeans aren't comfortable enough, we have to make sweatpants that look like jeans.

5. OxiClean. Maybe I just have a soft spot for Billy Mays (rest in peace), and his cocaine induced excitement, but I think OxiClean is amazing. It really does make your whites whiter and your colors brighter. I'm not sure how it works and I don't really care how it works. But it works. And that's all that matters.

What "As Seen on TV" products do you love (or love to hate)?

*Please note, these are my favorites. I don't necessarily own all of them.

Thursday Thank Yous

I'm starting something new. Although, this isn't a very well established blog so we can just pretend like I've always been doing this.*

In case you've been living under a rock, you should know that I've moved to Chicago. I got here on Tuesday and have been in the process of getting settled. And oh my gosh, ya'll. Apartments are expensive. But I'm very excited to be living here and even more excited to start work on Monday!

Here are all of the people and things I want to thank today:

1. The man who helped me push my car out. Chicago got several feet of snow which makes street parking very interesting most days. I managed to park myself on top of quite a bit of snow and was really struggling to get out of my spot. A man walking by told me how to put my wheels and gave my car a good shove so I could get out.

2. Paige. If not for Paige, I would probably still be wandering around Target muttering, "I don't even know what I need!" and I most definitely would have gotten very lost in IKEA. She has been very helpful in my settling in process and even cleaned my bathroom for me. What a sweetheart!

3. Linksys. Someone in my vicinity has not protected their wireless connection so I am able to use that to connect to the outside world. It's a little spotty and I have to sit on my coffee table in the corner of my apartment to use it, but it works!

4. IKEA. Oh my gosh. Everyone should be thankful for IKEA. The only problem I've found with it is that my car isn't big enough to fit everything I wanted to buy. But perhaps that's a blessing in disguise.

5. Starbucks. On every corner! Thank you, Starbucks, for always being there when I need chai. (I was informed today that chai means tea in Hindi, so when one says "chai tea" they are really saying "tea tea." I won't be making that mistake anymore.)

Who are you thanking today?

*I'm going to try to make this a weekly occurrence. Stay tuned.

7 Things I Did Tonight

(source*)

Ya'll are in for a treat. This right here is a rare glimpse into my oh-so-exciting life. A chronicle of what I did with my Friday night.

1. Watch a movie. I went to campus and watched Serendipity with some sorority sisters. And even though I've seen that movie before, I was riveted throughout! I worried about how John Cusack would ever find his soulmate and was scared when I thought they would never find each other. I can only hope for such a serendipitous life.

Sidebar: I'm not a big believer in fate, but the idea that I could meet someone, have a life changing few hours, and leave the rest up to the universe sounds so amazingly wonderful. Although in today's super connected life, a number wouldn't be written on a $5 bill or inside a book, and then thrown out into the world. It would automatically be programmed into a cell phone, which, while convenient, is quite unfortunate. How are you supposed to know what the universe wants if you never leave anything up to the universe?

2. Eat pizza. If you're ever in Monmouth, order a college special from Pepperoni's Pizza. It is the best pizza in Monmouth and a college special gets you a large pizza and breadsticks for under $10. Awesome.

3. Clean my room...kinda. I started to work on tidying up my room and throwing away more stuff I don't need or haven't used, but then I got distracted. Typical.

4. Paint my toenails. My toes were lookin' rough. So what do I do? I paint them at 10 pm, thus ensuring that I won't get into bed until at least midnight in order to keep toenail polish off of my sheets and blankets.

5. Watch CSI. Usually I scare the crap out of myself when I watch these shows until all hours of the night, but tonight my cousin is staying in the house with his doberman. No one's getting in here without someone knowing.

6. Think about packing. I took a wayward glance at my piles of clothing and thought about going through said piles to weed out more clothing. Quickly forgot said task.

7. Talk to my sister. We chat almost every day and tonight was no exception. Topics of discussion ranged from our hatred of the Lord of the Ring series to cute boys to reasons why she hates white trucks that are Dodge Rams and have four doors.

Well, that's what I did with my evening. What did you do tonight?

*I'm totally doing this to the next "dip" sign that I see.

5 Qualities in a Man that Make Me Weak in the Knees

Let's talk boys. Since I was about fourteen, I've had crushes on boys and in the past eight years I've found out what makes me weak in the knees and what has me walking out the door faster than you can say "But baby..." This is a non-exhaustive list of qualities in a man that will make me weak in the knees.

1. Chivalry. No, it's not dead. Chivalry is opening the door for me (and if you're feeling extra nice, the car door). Chivalry is being generous (and I don't mean buying me lots of stuff, although that always helps.* I mean being generous with your time and affection). Chivalry is being courteous to me and the little old grandma taking forever to cross the street. Chivalry is being a gentleman in every sense of the word. But mostly, chivalry is about respect. Respect me and you'll be deemed a keeper.

2. A quick wit. On occasion I can be quite witty and a man that can keep up with me is always the best. Please note though, there's a difference between witty sarcasm and mean sarcasm. Also note that I have my slow days, so a man that is patient with me on the days that I can barely string together a coherent sentence is just as apt to make my legs feel like jello.

3. Adorable. As my friends know, adorable for me comes in all shapes and sizes. I don't really have a type. But adorable does have a mentality. It's confident without being cocky and helpful without being overbearing. An adorable boy would text me in the morning to say good morning and text me at night to say goodnight. Adorable boys are just adorable...plain and simple.

4. Cook for me. Even if it's the most basic dinner ever, it will make me swoon. Boil a pot of noodles, heat up a jar of sauce, and put some garlic bread in the oven. That's all it takes. Sidebar: moving take-out from the container to the plate does not count as cooking.

5. Know when to be good and when to be bad. A man with a good sense of judgement about situations is a definite keeper. But if it's unclear, here are some examples. Times to be good: church, family gatherings, public places. Times to be bad: all other times. But really, use your best judgement.

As I mentioned, this list is not exhaustive. I also enjoy a man who is good with his hands (in more ways than one) and a man who will send flowers just because. I will also get jello legs if a man takes me out on a real date, especially if he took the time to plan it all out.

What qualities in a man makes you weak at the knees?

*Joking. Totally joking.

Anxiety

I'm feeling very crabby today, and my best guess for it's cause is the impending doom of "Snowmageddon 2011" (as the dean of faculty called it). I tend to get anxious about bad weather because I'm a decidedly fair weather person, and the last time a snowstorm was hyped this much (in my recent memory, at least), it snowed for five days straight and Spokane ended up with five feet of snow. I'm talking about the kind of snow where you have to shovel every few hours to stay ahead, don't even think about driving anywhere, and oh hey, if you don't shovel off the roof, you'll probably end up with shingles and snow in your living room.

So, long story short, I'm anxious about the snow. This anxiety is compounded by the fact that I have to move to Chicago next week, and the thought of carrying all of my belongings over berms and through multiple feet of snow is starting to make me feel like I'm developing ulcers and having a heart attack at the age of 22.

This anxiety is being repurposed and redistributed to the epicenter of crabbiness in my brain. My day started reasonably well. I tried out a new alarm clock (the appropriately named "iTunes Alarm Clock." Find it here. Macs only, sorry.) and woke up on time to my favorite playlist. Because I woke up on time, I was able to enjoy my shower. The shampoo I bought to replace the previous crap worked wonders and my hair is once again loving life.

Then it started.

In anticipation of the snow, I picked shoes I don't particularly care for. Fail #1. Then I had to scrape my windshield. Fail #2. Then I drove to work, only to find that there are some people who cannot and will not even try to deduce where lines for parking spots should be, and had to park far enough away that I may as well have just walked to work. Fail #3. And to top it all of, the waffles that I had coated with peanut butter were neither warm nor crispy by the time I got to work. Cold, soggy, peanut butter covered waffles. Fail #4.

So there you have it, my dear friends. How to ruin my day in four simple steps:

1. Make me wear shoes I hate. These shoes don't give me the silhouette I like, and aren't really all that comfortable. In fact, I only bought them for one outfit (ridiculous, I know) and should probably get rid of them. But I won't, because they're shoes.

2. Bad weather. Ice, snow, sleet, freezing rain...it all makes me anxious. And anxiety turns into crabbiness real quick in these parts.

3. Don't be smart or courteous. I realize that when it snows, there is an "every man for himself" mentality, but really? Not necessary. What happened to the common courtesy and decency I have become accustomed to in the Midwest? Just because snow is falling doesn't mean you get to act like a jerk.

4. Ruin my breakfast. Do you like it when someone ruins your breakfast? Not the time, but the food? No, I didn't think so.

What could the universe do to make your day bad?

Also, to all of you teachers and students who are absolutely giddy because of the snow days, go away. Nobody likes a braggart. I'd like to be home watching movies and eating bon bons too.