5 of the Most Egregious Errors in Online Dating

Well, it's April in Chicago. I'm hoping that spring isn't too far behind.

I'm starting to grow my bangs out, so needless to say, I'm entering kind of an awkward stage in my life. So naturally, I thought it would be a good idea to start another profile on OkCupid. I know I quit my last one because I was spending far too much online and I found the whole process to be a little creepy. But I'm giving it another try, but this time with limits. I try not to check it too often and delete messages that give me the creeps. However, I have found quite a few common errors on these gentlemen's profiles:

1. Zoolander face. No one looks good with the Zoolander face. Not even Ben Stiller.

2. Wildly inappropriate messages. I'm sorry, but messages saying "Your really hott" are not only completely grammatically incorrect, but they're also incredibly creepy and not productive.

3. Creeping. The same people look at my profile over and over and over and never message me. That, sir, is creeping.

4. Not asking questions. When you actually do message me, ask questions. Don't just talk about yourself. How am I supposed to respond to that? With the same level of narcissism?

5. Generic profiles. I'm pretty sure every guy on OkCupid is a world traveler, an adventurous eater, and really good at making people laugh. But I already assumed that, so tell me something else about yourself.

4 Things I've Realized Lately

As I move through life and become older and (hopefully) wiser, I'm realizing things about myself that I didn't see before. This doesn't need much buildup, so we'll just go right into it.

1. I'm more like my mom than I once thought. I was talking to my dad today and said something that I've heard my mom say, and I said it with my mom's tone and inflection. It made me take pause and think, "Oh crap." But a good "oh crap," not a bad one. I'm realizing that I have a lot of my mom's personality traits. I'm fiercely loyal, crazy efficient, and extremely persistent. But I'm also a little impatient and I don't suffer fools gladly. But my mom is an amazing woman and I can only hope to become half the person she is!

2. I really value my "me time." I'm very thankful that I live alone because I'm starting to see the introverted side of my personality come out more often. Please don't read "introvert" as "shy." Introverts aren't necessarily shy, and more often than not, they only seem shy to extroverts. I enjoy talking to people (maybe a little too much..read on for explanation) and love hanging out with groups of people. Conversely, I also find those two activities to be extremely draining and after a particularly busy weekend, I usually need to sit on my couch and stare at a wall.

3. I'm turning into an old woman. I go to bed at 10 pm and wake up at 5:30 am (ok, closer to 6:30 am). My free time finds me paying bills, balancing my checkbook, and worrying about laundry, cooking, and dishes. Well, I guess instead of "old woman," I should just say "domesticated."

4. I talk WAY too much sometimes. Remember how I mentioned I was going on a date with a guy named Jon? Well, I went. And it was a nice time. But then he never called. I was reflecting on the evening and I think that I may have scared him. I drank a little wine and started talking. And talking. And talking. I'm afraid I did the same thing with a new acquaintance at a party on Saturday. I never thought I would be the one to talk too much, but I guess I am.

That's all for now. Have a lovely evening, friends!

*I know the picture is random and that I usually try to make my picture match the subject. However, how can you resist gerbils in teacups? That's right. You can't.

Thursday Thank Yous

Really quick one tonight, guys, because I *need* to clean and go to bed! Anyway, here's what I'm thankful for at the moment (and always)!

1. My friends. I know I've been thankful for this in the past, but it's always good to have a reminder. My friends are the best people in the whole world and I love them SO much. Added bonus: I get to see my darling Morgan tomorrow! (Hence the necessity to clean clean clean..)

2. Daylight Savings Time. While I bemoan the lack of sleep and the inability to wake up on time, I love having daylight left when I get home from work! When I started work, I was leaving for work in the dark and getting home in the dark. This is much better.

3. Community. I love the communities I'm creating. I can't really define it, but I'm so thankful that I have the ability to live in community with people I care about.

What are you thankful for today?

Top 5 Things That Have Happened To Me Recently

Wow guys, sorry. My name is Melissa and it has been 17 days since my last confession (of a listaholic). Life has been so busy! But here's a fun post to catch you all up on my life. So without further ado, the top 5 things that have happened to me in the past two weeks and a few days:

1. New phone! I got a smartphone, but it is very capable of making me feel dumb. It's an HTC Incredible and I'm still figuring out how to make it work.

2. Online dating! I had a brief adventure into the world of online dating and found it creepy and time consuming. However, I did go on two agreeable dates with a nice guy named Alex (who I decided I wasn't interested in) and I have a date tomorrow with a guy named Jon. I have deleted my account, though, because I was spending so much time online creeping profiles.

3. Work! No, seriously. I love work and it's exciting. As of today, I have worked there an entire month. It's lovely. We go bowling and to hockey games and to Cubs games (in April) and spend a lot of time hanging out. Oh, and I guess we work too.

4. Parties! I had my housewarming party last weekend and I had fun. I think everyone else did too. And then this past weekend I partied myself out and had to lay low on Saturday, one of the biggest party days in Chicago! Oh well. I don't think I'd like green beer anyway.

5. Starbucks! In celebration of their anniversary, they decided to give away treats between 2 and 5 on March 10-12. I went on the 11th and the 12th. I've also decided that my new goal in life is to get a Starbucks Gold Card, so I've registered my gift card (and I may have purchased a gift card solely for this purpose) and am only using that at Starbucks!

Well, those are the most exciting things that have happened to me in the last two weeks and a few days. I'm off to celebrate the birthday of Enrique the goldfish, who is turning 1 today, with Paige, Kate, Ashley, and Ashley!

PS-I love this picture! It's so adorable!

Guilty Pleasures

After a long day of work, there are few things that comfort me more than my guilty pleasures. I walk in to my apartment, plug my lights in (because I don't have overhead lights...) and out comes the:

1. Cosmopolitan magazine. This is my ULTIMATE guilty pleasure. I know it's smutty and trashy and [most of the time] not true, but I love it. I just turned in a subscription card because I finally have a permanent address. And I'm so excited to get my Cosmopolitan magazine in the mail every month because then I don't have to deal with disapproving glances from cashiers as I purchase my magazines that claim they have the power to "melt a man's boxers off."

2. One hit wonders. I'll admit it. I've admitted it before. I like music that has the relative worth of ABC gum. And one hit wonders fall into this category. So imagine, if you will, my glee when I found a 69 cent/song playlist on iTunes comprised entirely of one hit wonders.* I'm not sure why I love them so much, but I think it has something to do with the idea of these people having one, singular flash of genius. I mean, these are all songs that EVERYONE knows. But we can't name the artist. Or any other songs by said artist. Who actually knows who wrote "Stacy's Mom"? (Without Googling it?) Or "Right Here Right Now"? (Again, without Google?)

...

Anyone?

...My point exactly. Check and mate.

3. Wine. I love wine. And as I pointed out on twitter earlier today, "Who needs friends when you have wine?"

4. Crime TV. I love it all. Law & Order. Criminal Minds. Without a Trace. Bones. Psych. Monk. And I'll watch it whenever it is on. Although I don't really like reality crime TV.

5. Junk food. I have the worst sweet tooth in the history of the universe. And I do feel bad about it, but not enough to stop eating my junk food. Sorry, health nuts.

What are your guilty pleasures?

*Because I know you're curious, here is the list of one hit wonders on my playlist:

Butterfly Kisses Bob Carlisle

(I Just) Died In Your Arms Cutting Crew
Ghostbusters Ray Parker, Jr.

I'm Gonna Be (500 Miles) The Proclaimers
I'm Too Sexy Right Said Fred

Ice Ice Baby Vanilla Ice

Jump Kris Kross

She Blinded Me With Science Thomas Dolby

Right Here Right Now Jesus Jones

Stacy's Mom Fountains of Wayne

Too Shy Kajagoogoo

Unbelievable EMF

Voices Carry 'Til Tuesday

Walking on Sunshine Katrina & The Waves

Thursday Thank Yous

I'm having a sassy-pants kind of day, so I apologize if these thank yous sound more bitchy than thankful. But don't misread this! I am very thankful today and every day for what I have.

1. Allison. She let me whine for 10 whole minutes and then gave me awesome insight when my 10 minutes were up. Which is just what I needed today.

2. Wine. Merlot, Chardonnay, Pinot Grigio, Pinot Noir, Cabernet Sauvignon, Reisling...I don't care what it is as long as I have a bottle to crack open when I get home from work.

3. Trivial Pursuit 1981. Last night, a friend and I went through some Trivial Pursuit cards from 1981...and here are a few sample questions that are now incorrect or contain outdated cultural references:

Q: Which country has 11 time zones?

A: The Soviet Union (Which doesn't exist anymore. There were lots of questions about
Soviet Bloc countries.)

Q: What does VDT stand for?

A: Video Display Terminal (What the heck is this?)

Q: What's the only man-made structure visible from space?
A: The Great Wall of China (Not true.)

Anyway. I'm thankful that I was able to find this game for $2 at a thrift store, because it has proved to be entertaining more than once now. I also got Operation and Pictionary. Game night at my apartment!

4. First World Problems. Tonight, as we were trying to watch NBC Thursday (aka: Community, The Office, Parks and Rec, and 30 Rock), the cable kept going out. Which is a first world problem. Just like not being able to text because I just painted my nails. Or being mad because I lost the back cover to my cell phone. I'm not thankful for these problems, but I'm thankful that they aren't big problems like finding clean drinking water or having reliable healthcare. I'm thankful that I was born in the first world and lead a blessed life.

5. Moving forward. Life is ever changing. And while it may not be fair or fun today, it can be tomorrow. So here's to moving forward and being the best "you" you can be. For me, that means being a good daughter, a good sister, and a good friend, as well as a good citizen.

Also, here's some advice: Life is hard. Wear a helmet. Take it. It's on the house.

What are you thankful for today?

Thursday Thank Yous

Well, it's been another week and now it's time for my Thursday thank yous!

1. Friends and family. I am constantly reminded of how blessed I am to be surrounded by the friends and family that I have been given. This past weekend, my little sister went through something awful and it has made me want to reach out and tell everyone I know that I love them. So, friends and family...I LOVE YOU ALL. And even the strangers that stumble upon this blog...I love you too.

2. People at work. I started working on Monday and the people there have been very nice and helpful. I'm starting to get settled and figure out where things should be saved, how managers like to receive updates and documents (email a PDF? print out and put it on their desk?) and I really enjoy my job!

3. Street parking. I'm getting scary good at parallel parking. And I found an AWESOME spot right outside of my apartment building. I'm never moving my car ever again.

4. Valentines Day. An odd one, I know, but I can safely say that Valentines Day 2011 was the best one ever. A few girls came over and we had sushi and wine and chocolate cake and champagne and talked and laughed and had a grand old time.

That's all for tonight! What/who are you thanking today?